Learning On the Job

I work at a church and while that is incredible and I love what I do, it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s really hard. No, not because of it, it’s hard because of me.

I am responsible for media content and elements of production for our services. I can assure you that what I do is in no way glamorous. I’m not recognized during services and people don’t know my name like they do the rest of the staff. In fact, this past week, someone asked me what I do for my 9-5 during the week! I’m not saying any of this for pity or praise. I’m saying it because the Lord has used it all to reveal to me what my true motives are- and friends, they weren’t what I once believed.

I was prideful and selfish. I was addicted to the accolades of my peers. I was envious for attention. I was spiteful and bitter. I felt entitled to recognition.

Here are a few of the things I’ve learned:

  • Humility isn’t a weakness, it’s recognizing that I’m not infallible and embracing the need for community.
  • There is no amount of praise from man that can substitute knowing my place as a beloved child of God.
  • God placed people in my life to call me out if I’m acting like a jerk or making unwise choices.
  • The only reason I have the abilities and skills I do is because God is good and gave them to me. I’m not able because I made myself so, it’s because God is generous.
  • What I do as a job will never satisfy the longing of my heart to know God and pursue His heart.
  • What I do is not who I am. Who I am is defined by God and He is trustworthy and good.

I’m not saying I have everything figured out or that I don’t still struggle. I have bad days (ask my friends, I can be a real turd). However, every day that I continue to pursue Jesus, the more I know the truth of His character. What I know is that God is good. He isn’t angry that I haven’t gotten it all together, He’s thrilled to spend time with me in the process.